Funny Confessions

Post confessions that make you laugh. Here's one of mine:



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Bear Grylls, I doubt if you’ll ever read this, but I got a few things to say to you. You suck! That’s one thing, and I’ll tell you why. You can’t go around with a body that smokin’ hot, a face that would send Hyperion into a jealous rage, that adventurous spirit, that up-beat attitude, that super sexy Bond-ish accent, complete and unfailing faith in your God and your loved ones, that unfailing faithfulness to your loved ones, be that giving and open about who you are and then turn around and be all like, “Oh, I love my wife. Blah blah blah. She’s the best wife ever. La ta tee ta. No other woman in the world will ever have a chance at the manly perfection that is Bear.” For crap sake you should be arrested for holding a monopoly on all the sexy! And don’t even get me started on the fact that you are, what?…tri-lingual, and you play guitar and piano, and you’re so eloquent when you speak and you’re a great writer and I don’t believe anyone else in history has ever made the word slippy sound so sexy. I mean really! It should be slippery but no! You had to go and say slippy with your mouth and your words and make the entire female population of the western hemisphere simultaneously and inexplicably get WET! You’re purrrfect and you suck because you’re married. Seriously though, do you really think one woman is enough for all that man? You should give every woman who is at least moderately attractive and not bitchy a chance. One night for each of us. Come on I know you can do it. You climbed the highest mountain in the world. You can tackle us easy! Throw us a bone here Bear! The pun is thoroughly intended. No, really I wish you and your wife and kids all the best. But just in case it doesn’t work out just watch your back because I’ll be on you like a fat kid on cake. All my love.


Ahh, sorry if it was long.

LOL that was funny. He also says "Disorientated"

It's prolly the whole british-english thang.

You know, I seriously thought the rant/confession/loveletter was going to talk about how he friggin chugged down his own piss on national tv.

I have a bone to pick with Bearsy. Telling people to drink their piss is just wrong.

Also, I find his name to be stupendously funny. His mom n dad probably planned that too. His name's perfect, and for this confesser , everything else is too. Apparently.

He's only moderately cute, in a crazed-dude-next-door kind of way. Nothing to write home about.

Now, if you want a real man, check out Gerard Butler. He, by far, is Sexiness-Incarnate! Basically, take everything the confessor said about Bear and his wife and his sexy accent and being an upstanding citizen of the world, and apply it to Gerry....

Oh, and by the way....our usernames could totally go to lunch together sometime, Loafofbread. lmao At the Olive Garden.

Hahaha yeah they could, we're like one of those endless soup, salad, and bread sticks meals.